Lesson 1: Introduction (The Window)

The noise grew louder and louder. The wind howled as if the universe was in pain. The sound was deafening. The house shook like a baby rattle out of control and the ground rocked as if a freight train was nearby. The storm approached quickly. I had no time to board up. The window started to buckle. It was about to blow. The rain slapped the glass as if to say, “you have been bad, now take your punishment.” There was only darkness. I was afraid of what was outside. As I reached for the lock, the window shattered and chards of glass came rushing at me. I felt like I had been shot, and the blood started to drip down my chin. Flesh had been torn off my nose. The stinging sensation of the salt air hit me like a brick. The window was gone. I could not stop the wind and the rain from entering the house. The water was rising fast and my feet were no longer able to touch the floor. As I began to swim, the waves grew large and almost took me outside. I knew if that happened I would never survive. I had to move quickly, because the waves were picking up speed. The only thing I had to hold on to was the window frame. It took all my strength, but I held on for hours. When the sun started to rise, I could see the devastation that had occurred. The rain stopped, the wind slowed down and the water subsided. My hands were cut and I was painfully exhausted. I felt like I had been put threw the washer and hung out to dry, but I was alive. I could not say that about the rest of the people that lived in my neighborhood. As I looked around, I could hear babies crying, man yelling for their wives, and children looking lost. I turned back to see my house. It was the only thing left standing. Everything would have been okay if the window had not shattered.

Teachers comments

Tina,

Very vivid sensory detail here---howls, rattles, blood dripping, etc. You've done a good job describing someone in extremis. I would suggest combining some of the short sentences to form longer sentences in order to vary sentence rhythm as it's a bit staccato at the moment.