lesson 4: Fiction (Chris began to question the wisdom of this trip.)

Chris began to question the wisdom of this trip.

Chris began to question the wisdom of this trip. He is on a deserted road in the middle of nowhere with a friend that has been battling a drug addition for years. They’re supposed to be headed to a drug rehab where his friend Taylor will check himself in. It seemed odd when Taylor asked him to go on this trip since Taylor never wanted help. Chris was surprised.

Taylor is jumpy, and he is constantly messing with the radio and sifting in his set. Chris wonders if he is on drugs. His suspicions are quickly answered when Taylor answers his cell phone. A chill comes over Chris and he starts to feels ill. He learns that they’re on their way to deliver drugs that are in the trunk of the car. Chris is very upset and wants nothing to do with this. He wants out of the car, but there’s nothing for miles. The environment is barren and desolate. He needs to find away to change the situation. If only he could drive. They have been on the road for several hours, and he has no ideal where they are or where they are going. Chris begins to sweat and panic sets in. The truth of the matter is that Taylor still needs help and Chris needs to find away to help him.

Since Chris has never been on drugs or been around people on drugs he doesn’t know what to expect. He doesn’t know what to do. He doesn’t know if he should talk or keep his mouth shut. Chris keeps quite. He is afraid he will say something to upset Taylor and he wouldn’t know how to handle it. Taylor drives in silence, while Chris racked his brain.

After several hours on a dirt road, they come out on a highway that Chris recognizes. They would soon be approaching the next town and Chris needs a plan. Chris knows the town well. He has friends that live there he knows he can call. They would know what to do. It seems that Taylor has no intensions of stopping, but with Chris’s quick thinking, he is able to get Taylor to pull over.

As soon as Taylor goes into the store, Chris lets the air out of the tire and calls a friend. Chris paces while Taylor changes the tire. Taylor strung out on drugs can’t imagine how this happened. Even though Taylor is high on drugs he seems to be moving pretty quick. Chris isn’t sure his friend is going to make it in time.

Teachers comment

Tina,

Great scenario! I like the dramatic tension here and I think this could be a fun piece to develop into a full story.

When developing it, I would add some sensory detail and dialogue---there is a lot of potential for great dialogue between these two. Right now, this piece seems plot-heavy and scene light. The summary is a fascinating one, and it keeps the reader hooked, but it needs some more flesh---and by this I mean scene--- added to the bone. Scene and summary are ways both techniques to handle time in fiction. Summary covers a relatively long period of time quickly: Martin hadn’t seen Joe in thirteen years.

Scene covers a relatively short period of time slowly, in greater detail.

A scene is an event that can be witnessed (something happens), in a single setting described with sensory detail---temp, season, smell of pine trees, cold air of the 7-11, etc., usually with two or more characters (although not always), with dialogue and stage business (the things characters do while they talk) and sometimes a character’s thoughts.

When ever you have something important to convey in a short story or novel, whenever you want attention, like a toddler, you make a scene.

Good work.

All Best,

TAmara

Lesson 3: Individuality (I Hate)

I Hate

I hate horror films. They give me the creeps. I can’t understand why people like to watch them. Every time I see one I get an unpleasant queasy feeling like someone is looking over me. Scary movies make me feel uncomfortable and freak me out. I get goose bumps and my body tenses with every scream I hear. They make me want to hide from the darkness that surrounds the fear inside me. Horror films are so violent and gruesome and I get ill at the sight of blood. I can’t bear to watch so I keep my eyes closed during the gory parts. I bury my face in my hands until the evil scenes are over. After watching one I feel repugnance and fearful. It’s hard to sleep with the lights off, so I check the closet and under the bed to make sure that there are no hiding monsters. I bury my head under the covers and hide for hours.1 The feeling of isolation won’t let go. It takes me days to get over the feeling of fright and terror. The blood runs cold through my body and a feeling of anxiety comes over me. I jump at every noise I hear and panic takes over. The thought of being alone makes my stomach twist into knots. I feel lost for days. My life becomes uncontrollable and dreadfulness sets in. Depression seeps into my veins and won’t let go. I slowly turn in a downward cycle of despair. The reality of it all is that I know it’s only a movie, and no one gets hurt during filing, but it all seems so real to me.

Tina,

Horror films freak me out too.

I can see you using this hatred for a character at some point in a piece of fiction. I would consider actually describing some of the horror film scenes that really got to you and then the resultant behavior. For example, I saw the exorcist when I was a kid, had to leave the theater at the point where the possessed girl was stabbing herself in the crotch with a crucifix. Then had to sleep with my mother for a month.

Best,

Tamara

Lesson 2: Show and Tell (Mick and Loretta)

The road is eerie with darkness and the thick fog hangs in the air. This makes Mick feel isolated as he searches for miles and all he can see is the ghostly remoteness around him. He takes a deep breath and holds on to the steering wheel of his four-wheel drive pickup and focuses on the road ahead. There are no other cars on the road and no lights in the distance. Mick feels uneasy about the drive, but he begins to relax to the warmth of the heater and the humming of the tires.

“Mick, are you okay driving?” Loretta shifts in her seat.

“I’m fine Loretta.” Mick, starting to get tired, never takes his eyes off the road. Loretta begins to drift off to sleep.

Bam! “What was that Mick? It sounded like you hit something. Did you run over an animal in the road? I hope what ever it was is okay.” Loretta jumps forward. Mick pulls the car over, steps out and walks around.

“I couldn’t have. There’s nothing out here.” Mick stands in bewilderment. “The noise I heard sounded like something hit the truck, but the truck is fine. I see no damage.”

“Are you drunk?” Loretta swings the truck door open and jumps out.

“No, I am not drunk. Why would you say something like that?”

“Mick, you had to of hit something and we just left a party and your going to tell me you’re not drunk? I don’t believe that, and I think you nuts.”

“Loretta, I’ve had two drinks all night.”

“Don’t give me that Mick. I have never seen you go out and have only two drinks.” “I’m not drunk. Just look around and tell me if you see anything.”

“I don’t see a thing. If we didn’t hit anything, than what was that noise Mick?”

They both gaze into the darkness. An unfriendly chill comes over them. The night is silent and the air is putrid. Nothing moves, not even the wind. They look at each other, jump in the truck and drive away. Neither one dares to look back.

Teachers comments

Tina,

Great job converting this summary into scene. Nice use of sensory detail (humming of the tires, etc.) and atmosphere.

This is great dialogue---full of conflict:

Nice work. Very creepy!

All Best,

Tamara

Lesson 1: Introduction (The Window)

The noise grew louder and louder. The wind howled as if the universe was in pain. The sound was deafening. The house shook like a baby rattle out of control and the ground rocked as if a freight train was nearby. The storm approached quickly. I had no time to board up. The window started to buckle. It was about to blow. The rain slapped the glass as if to say, “you have been bad, now take your punishment.” There was only darkness. I was afraid of what was outside. As I reached for the lock, the window shattered and chards of glass came rushing at me. I felt like I had been shot, and the blood started to drip down my chin. Flesh had been torn off my nose. The stinging sensation of the salt air hit me like a brick. The window was gone. I could not stop the wind and the rain from entering the house. The water was rising fast and my feet were no longer able to touch the floor. As I began to swim, the waves grew large and almost took me outside. I knew if that happened I would never survive. I had to move quickly, because the waves were picking up speed. The only thing I had to hold on to was the window frame. It took all my strength, but I held on for hours. When the sun started to rise, I could see the devastation that had occurred. The rain stopped, the wind slowed down and the water subsided. My hands were cut and I was painfully exhausted. I felt like I had been put threw the washer and hung out to dry, but I was alive. I could not say that about the rest of the people that lived in my neighborhood. As I looked around, I could hear babies crying, man yelling for their wives, and children looking lost. I turned back to see my house. It was the only thing left standing. Everything would have been okay if the window had not shattered.

Teachers comments

Tina,

Very vivid sensory detail here---howls, rattles, blood dripping, etc. You've done a good job describing someone in extremis. I would suggest combining some of the short sentences to form longer sentences in order to vary sentence rhythm as it's a bit staccato at the moment.